Soylent Green Is Kevin

This is the look of a dog who just stared death in the face….and ran around in circles and barked at it.  You think I’m making this up…well let me tell you what kind of a crappy dog owner I am…

So I bought my dad a new softball glove for his birthday a few days ago and he has been oiling it trying to get it ready for our playoffs that start tomorrow.  I told him I would go over there and throw with him to see how the glove would do.  So as we were throwing, the neighborhood dogs took notice and came over to chase the ball around.  Of course Abby was in the mix running around chasing as well.  Well we started throwing grounders so they could chase it on the ground…well I threw one and Abby stepped right in front of it and it hit her right square in the head.  She fell straight to the ground and didn’t move.  We ran over to check and she wasn’t moving, or breathing from what we could tell.  I was convinced that I had just killed her…but after about three minutes, she took a deep breath and blinked her eyes.  That’s about all she would do though…for a good 10 minutes or so.  My mom and the neighbor came over as well to see what was happening.  Well after awhile….she crapped on herself….which was sad, but then all of the sudden she popped up and took of running.  She was howling as loud as she could and running around in circles..nonstop.  We were wondering if she was blind and scared or something so we tried to stop her, but she dodged us and just kept going.  So we let her go thinking she would eventually stop.  Well she didn’t, so I had to catch her.  Even after I did, she howled nonstop while I was holding her.  This went on for a good 20 minutes before she finally calmed down and just laid in my lap.  That was at about 6:30pm….now it’s around 9:30pm and I’m left with the task of keeping her up just in case it’s a concussion.  She is eating and drinking now and seems to be doing better.  If she is the same in the morning, I’ll be taking her to the vet.  So I’ll be following up soon to give the final verdict on her.  Dang I’m a crappy dog owner.

-Kevin      

One of the things that always annoys me is the assumption that every one in the south are idiots who can’t read and enjoy incest and cow tipping on weekends.  Now don’t get me wrong, I’m sure those types of people exist in the deep woods of Vidor (I’m talking to you Clifton and Britney) and in parts of Louisiana, but for the most part people aren’t like that.  I try to defend the south (politics aside) as much as possible and I do enjoy living here for the most part.  I say all this because of what I encountered on my way home from Shreveport this past weekend.  I didn’t realize how funny it was until I got back into my car and started driving, so I thought I might as well share the story on here….

I’ve driven to Shreveport so many times now I don’t really think about the cities I go through anymore.  I just consider them points at which I know how much more time I have before I arrive there.  Jasper is an hour into the trip, onto Pineland, Bronson, San Augustine (the halfway point), Center..and so on until Shreveport.  The town where everything went down is San Augustine.  I was headed home from Shreveport on Sunday night, it was around 9pm or so I guess, and I decided to stop at the illustrious Joc Stop to use the restroom and pick up some snacks.  I was annoyed at the time, but now I thank the cashier…I had only wanted a coke and some chips, but all I had was credit and they required a $5 purchase for credit…so I had to search out more food.  If I had been able to just pay and leave, I would have missed all the action.  Anyway, so after I picked up my goods, I got back in line behind this very very trashy looking black lady.  She was very polite though and asked if I wanted to go ahead of her, I said no thank you and let her go ahead.  She hands the cashier 40 dollars and says she wants $25 dollars in gas.  The cashier says, “Your pump is still going, they are still filling it up with gas, they are at $30 dollars right now”.  The lady gets this really angry look on her face and shouts, “That son of a bitch!” and takes off running outside.  I turn and watch her yelling at the guy pumping gas saying things like, “We don’t need that much f**&* gas you mother f*@*&%.  Next time you can pay for your own sh*t.  I decided that I might as well just pay for my stuff while this is going on.  Finally the lady comes back in and gets behind me in line.  Some other guy that’s with her comes in with pretty much every single tooth in his mouth either gold or platinum walk in and announce to her that he wants her to buy him something to drink.  The lady turns and says, “I aint buyin you no mutha f*^$in 40, you only get a coke.  And next time you can drive yourself out here.  Fittingly the guy turns to her and says, “I can’t, you know my license is suspended.”  At this point you can pretty much say that I’ve seen or heard an almost perfect stereotypical southern black conversation.  So I finally leave the store and walk to my car.  I’m confronted by another trashy black women who promptly asks me for 50 cents to make a phone call from a payphone.  I’m like wow….can’t there be any more hick town stereotyping going on here..come on..just one more.  God was good that day and obliged me.  As I got in my car and started driving off, a trashy looking white lady, who was barefoot, wearing a dirty yellow dress, and pregnant, ran in front of my car yelling.  I stopped and watched her…she just kept yelling and ran out into the road chasing down some old beat up pickup truck.  Now this may be a small town, but the street isn’t exactly empty of cars.  The truck driver sees her and stops, she opens his door and starts yelling at him.  I’m guessing this guy must be the father of one of her four illegitimate children.  Anyway, I didn’t stay long enough to see any punches being thrown, I went ahead and just left.  I pretty much consider that my best trip ever through San Augustine.  As much as I hate southern stereotypes, anyone who isn’t from the south and witnessed what I did, would probably not believe me if I told them that most people aren’t like that around here.  It’s ok, my love for the south died a little that night…

-Kevin

That’s right…bringing the Ernst name back to where it came from…Germany!  I mean sure I have no idea where I would work, or what I’m going to do when I get back, but that’s half the fun I guess.  If I’m actually going to be doing this, I want to go to all the places I want to visit.  That’s one thing I like about Germany, it’s in the middle of everything.  I’m hoping to constantly update this blog when I go(in about 8 months) with lots of pictures of the places I visit.  Here is a list of places I want to visit, but doubt that I’ll get to go to all….

Berlin

Rome

Paris

Madrid

London

Venice

Athens

There are more of course, but that’s just a few off the top of my head.  Now sure it’s not a for sure thing that I’m going, but hopefully my friends can keep me from wussing out….